


undercover christmas

by calvinahobbes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas Party, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Undercover as a Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28168572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calvinahobbes/pseuds/calvinahobbes
Summary: "Please come with me to this Christmas party and pretend to be my husband? Please?"
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 15
Kudos: 96
Collections: Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange 2020





	undercover christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fairyy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyy/gifts).



> I’m very sorry! I thought it posted but it was stuck in my drafts!

“I’m sorry, you what now?”

Dan cringed, but Phil was looking at him with such an incredulous stare he felt he had no choice but to repeat himself. “Itoldthejournalistyouweremyhusband. I panicked, okay!” He flopped back in Phil's squishy dark grey sofa and stared forlornly at the plate of biscuits Phil had put out.

“You panicked?” At least Phil had the good grace to laugh now. 

“It felt like he was starting to make a pass at me!” Dan moped and picked at the fringe of his ripped jeans.

“And that's bad? What happened to ‘cute mutuals slide into my DMs’?” Phil teased. “Weren't you just complaining about going through a dry spell?”

“Look, that’s not what I wanted to tell you.” Dan took in a deep breath.

“Oh no,” Phil said drily, rolling his eyes. “Is there more? Do we also have children? A rescue dog? What?”

“Well, my editor was just really pleased with the news and she told me to bring you to the Christmas party tomorrow.” Dan clenched his eyes shut and pulled his shoulders up to his ears.

Phil let out another laugh, a lot less credulous. “Wait you didn’t _correct_ the journalist? Or your editor?”

“It would have been so awkward! I went on one of my rants! People are always asking about us, and I wanted to explain but I just... how do you explain that we’re _best friends_?”

“Uh, I don’t know. I think you just did?”

“Phil.”

“Dan!”

“Please come with me to this Christmas party and pretend to be my husband? Please? It’ll be so much easier than having to explain about that interview. Also I don’t know anyone there and I’ll just be all alone and awkward if you don’t come.” 

Dan tried on his best puppy dog eyes. Phil glared back.

“There’ll be food…”

Phil threw up his hands in exasperation. “You know, I think no matter how many YouTube videos you make about how much of a human disaster you are, you will never actually come close to encompassing all of it.”

“You’re right," Dan agreed quickly. Then he got an idea: "This would make a good video, actually! But only if you say you'll do it.”

Phil sighed. 

*

"Ah, Daniel, so good to see you again," Frank enthused as he squeezed Dan's hand. Dan had only met him once before. He was fairly certain his name was Frank. 

Frank was a short man in his early sixties, dressed in a burgundy cardigan and wearing a crooked tissue paper crown on his balding head. 

"And this is your… husband?" The enthusiasm seemed to waver in favour of slight confusion.

"Phil." Phil nodded gamely and proffered his hand.

"Very good to meet you." Frank rallied, shaking Phil's hand vigorously. "Very good, indeed!" 

Dan tried to choke back a giggle at the absurdity of the situation.

"No ring, I see?" 

Dan's smile faltered. 

"Oh, are you those modern types who don't go for that sort of nonsense?" Frank chuckled. "My daughter had a whole spiel about that. Then again, she couldn't keep track of her belongings if they were stapled to her person, poor lamb."

"Uh, yes, that's us." Dan twisted his face in the way that made his dimple pop. "Who needs rings, am I right?" 

He gestured expansively and nearly jumped a foot in the air when Phil caught his hand and pulled it down, holding it in both of his. 

"Rings are just objects anyway."

Dan couldn't stop himself from turning to stare, but Phil was looking blandly at Frank, that teasing smile playing around the corners of his mouth that he got when he was about to win at Scrabble. Dan narrowed his eyes in suspicion, but Frank was still talking.

"You know, my nephew is gay too," he was saying in an almost pensive tone. "Andrew. Lives in Ipswich. Perhaps you know him? No?"

Dan was shaking his head in polite confusion, but his attention seemed to be focused on Phil's palms against his skin. His hands were soft, slightly papery and cool. Some sort of vague panic was clumping in Dan's throat. He had to consciously restrain himself from brushing his thumb over the skin he could reach.

"Ah well," Frank said, seeming full of genuine regret. "Oh, what am I doing?" he exclaimed. "You haven't even had a refreshment yet! Go and help yourselves, please!" He finally stepped aside and gestured them towards the drinks table. 

Dan sent a silent thanks into the universe for being let off the hook. At least for a little while. 

They walked across the festively decorated room hand in hand, and Dan felt keenly how long it had been since he'd held hands with anyone. The fact that Phil and he effortlessly fell into a perfectly synchronised walk just made it feel even stranger. 

He felt equal parts guilty and relieved when he could finally twist out of Phil's grasp and pour himself a cup of mulled wine.

He felt shaken in some way he couldn't quantify, but it helped slightly to meet Phil's laughing eyes as he toasted Dan. 

"This is fun," he said easily. 

Dan nodded and took a large gulp of warm wine. It burned in more ways than one going down. He was trying to think why he thought this had been a good idea. Phil and he had known each other for years, worked together, gone on tour together, but all of that seamless collaboration was predicated on them keeping a careful distance from each other in other ways. There were lines that shouldn't be crossed. Or at least Dan had always thought so before. He reached to refill his cup. 

Phil didn't seem to be of the same mind, however. He leaned in close now, closer than he normally would, and said, "Come on, _honey_. I believe you promised me food." He tried to nod towards the buffet table along the perpendicular wall, but he just did an awkward wobble instead. Dan laughed and led the way. 

The wine had settled his nerves enough that he was getting fully into a debate about the mince pies when Christine, his agent suddenly appeared in front of them. 

"Dan," she said breathlessly, looking Phil over with a harried expression. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Dan stared at her in a blank panic. Phil sidled closer, wrapping an arm around his waist. It made him feel instantly better and he leaned into it in silent gratitude, clutching his cup of mulled wine to his chest. 

"It's… delicate," he said. "Private." Then he blushed, furiously, the blood rushing so quickly into his face he could feel all the tiny blood vessels expanding under his skin.

Of course this made her awkward in return. "Right. Of course." 

She ran her hands through her long hair, which she seemed to have been doing a lot of. It stuck out a bit more wildly. 

"It's just…" she said hopelessly. "There are avenues. Opportunities. We should discuss this."

"Of course. If you think so." Dan smiled sweetly. 

He tried to feel dread for the contents of this potential discussion, but as it was future-Dan's problem he couldn't really be too worried. A voice at the back of his mind was shouting that this is how he got himself in this situation in the first place. 

Christine looked at him in some kind of despair. Then she turned to Phil. "Congratulations. To the both of you. Best wishes. Yes…" She turned on her heels and walked towards the drinks table. 

"I feel like… I didn't think this through…" Dan said slowly. He looked down at his cup of mulled wine, but save for some gross-looking raisins and wet nuts it was empty. Heh. Wet nuts. Wait… how many cups had he had?

"Oh, really, Einstein?" Phil laughed. He still had his arm around Dan. It felt nice. It just felt… really, really nice. 

Dan frowned. "Do they not believe us?"

"Maybe we're not selling it."

Dan turned to look at Phil, trying to gauge his tone. "No?"

"Maybe we need to be more… gross. We are supposed to be newlyweds after all." That spark of mischievousness was back in his eye. 

"I've been gross," Dan said indignantly.

Phil snorted. "Please. You're not even trying. I've been doing all the work here. Because I'm such a good friend." The last part was said with incredible cheer. Phil was enjoying this far too much.

Dan put his hand on Phil's cheek and leaned in close. "I can be… the grossest." He tipped his head, staring into Phil's eyes. The blue was almost gone, forced to the very rim by large circles of black. There was that speck of gold, the barest squiggly line of green. Phil's lips were parted in surprise. It made Dan smirk. 

"You're on," Phil whispered.

Then he was gone. 

Dan blinked. Phil had turned back to the buffet table. 

He returned with a crab puff, which he held up for Dan. "Try a pasty, darling." He grinned shamelessly. 

"Are you joking?" Dan said drily. 

"Come on." Phil wiggled the morsel in what he probably thought was an inviting manner. "Open up for daddy."

Dan held up his finger, although he couldn't quite suppress a laugh. "No. Absolutely not. We're not that gross." 

But Phil pushed the food against his lips, and Dan had no choice but to open up. He chewed, eyes widening. 

"Mm! This is really good!" 

Forgetting everything in his excitement he turned and grabbed another pasty and held it up for Phil to try. To his credit, Phil didn't even miss a beat accepting the treat. 

"Mm!" He smiled with great enthusiasm.

Dan leaned back, feeling pretty good about himself. "How was that for gross?" He nodded. 

"Very," Phil agreed. "This is fun," he said then. "It's like going to museums."

"Right, and pretending we're other people." Dan laughed. He put on a haughty air and looked around the room with his fingers pinching his chin. "Let's have a look at this Christmas decoration theme, shall we, darling. Quite a lot of gold, eh?"

But Phil was turning him around, taking his hand again and pulling him along. "I have a better idea."

Dan let himself be led, ignoring the odd sense of butterflies in his stomach. Phil stopped in front of the dance floor. 

"Let's dance."

The bark of laughter jumped right out of Dan without him having anything to say about it. "You? Want to dance?"

"It will be gross,” Phil said and offered him his hand again.

Dan rolled his eyes and took it. "It will, probably. Just not in the way you intend it."

"Hey," Phil said and pulled him close. "I'm not _that_ bad."

"Of course you aren't, honey," Dan mumbled, but it failed to come out very sarcastically. Phil was _very_ close, brushing up against him and holding his hand and waist like he knew what he was doing. 

Thankfully the song was a quiet one, something they could shuffle along to without having to put in much effort. The quiet made Dan more aware of how drunk he was. He felt warm and wobbly and kind of silly. Phil shuffled him. It felt nice. He wrapped his arm more securely around Phil's shoulder. It made Phil sort of lean his head against Dan's neck, the soft hair of his quiff brushing against Dan's cheek, a faint whiff of Phil's raspberry shampoo. 

"This is nice," he slurred, his eyes slipping closed.

Phil hummed in agreement. 

Was it weird that it was nice? If dancing with Phil was so nice why hadn't they ever really done that? The truth was that they had never touched as much as they had tonight. Of course Phil was always hitting him softly on the shoulder or putting his hand there when he wanted something, but they never really hugged or anything like that. Dan thought they probably had to draw a line somewhere. But if they didn't, they could be doing this… Cuddling definitely held some appeal.

What was he thinking? Of course he didn't cuddle Phil. That would be weird. Cuddling was something you did with your boyfriend, not your best friend. Or your husband…

Dan pulled away and stared at Phil, who frowned back at him. 

"What?"

"I need a drink," Dan said. 

After getting a glass of proper red from the kind bartender, Dan sighed in some relief.

"What's gotten into you?" Phil asked in mystification as he accepted his own drink. 

Thankfully Dan was saved from having to answer by the appearance of his editor. 

"Daniel, you sneak!" she squealed. "I still can't believe you never told me! Oh, hello! Oh, I'm so happy for you both," she gushed and kissed Phil theatrically on both cheeks. 

Phil said a weak hello back and fumbled for Dan's hand. Dan gave it a reassuring squeeze without thinking. 

"Oh, I want to hear absolutely everything. Is it new? Christine tells me it's new!" She looked at them expectantly. 

"Yeah!" said Phil.

"Not really," said Dan.

She laughed. "Well now I know who's the one to keep score of your anniversaries." She winked. "But tell me The Story."

"The story?" Dan thought the floor might be starting to tip ever so slightly underneath him. He wrapped his arm around Phil. For support. 

"The engagement story!"

"Oh. That one," he said faintly.

She was looking at him expectantly. Phil reached up and patted his chest in what was probably supposed to be a comforting gesture but somehow threw Dan off even more. He looked back at Phil who twisted his face up trying to wink mischievously. 

"I know it's really your story, honey, but maybe I can tell it?" Phil asked. 

Dan nodded.

Phil's grin was far too wide as he turned away from Dan. 

"So Dan gets these pigeons on his balcony…"

Dan groaned, having no idea where this was headed except into general disaster territory. Phil laughed, already delighted.

"At first he didn't like them much-"

"But _someone_ kept feeding them."

"Sh. I'm telling the story. So whenever I come over I like to give them some seeds so they don't starve…"

"They're not gonna starve; they're wild animals. For God's sake."

"And eventually one of them became totally domesticated."

"He's not--" Dan rolled his eyes. This argument was impossible, and he was not having it again.

"We named him Steve."

" _You_ named him Steve."

"And so anyway, when _Dan_ decided to propose--"

Dan glared at him.

"--He actually trained Steve to have this little envelope tied to his little leg." Phil voice was vibrating with amusement.

Their rapt audience of one cooed in delight. 

"And so on the day - when I came over and went out to feed Steve - there he was hopping around with a tiny little envelope tied to his foot." 

Phil clutched both hands in front of him. Dan pinched him viciously in the side but Phil just giggled and squirmed, which made something funny unfurl in Dan's stomach.

"Then of course inside the envelope was a little love note with _Dan's_ proposal on it."

"That's so sweet!" she enthused. "That's so cute and personal and… _special_! Well done, Daniel."

Was that a tear forming in her eye? Dan coughed and looked away uncomfortably. Phil was looking entirely too pleased with himself.

"Well, of course that was the official proposal," Dan found himself saying.

"But the actual proposal, I would say, was way earlier. And it was you."

"Oh yeah?" Phil's eyes were dancing. "Remind me."

Dan's mind was scrambling for anything to outgross that pigeon story. "We were… on that beach. At… sunset. And you just very casually dropped that comment that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me."

Phil gave him a funny look. "Yeah. That's true," he said slowly, and then turned away from Dan with another huge grin on his face. "I don't know what it is about… beaches that turn me into a romantic sap."

The space where they were touching felt unreasonably warm. Dan shifted.

"So it's not really new," she said. "You were friends for so long! And roommates! What changed?"

They looked at each other and it felt like the biggest mistake of the night. Phil was no longer smiling. He had a sad, pensive look on his face. Dan turned away, grasping desperately for another joke. 

"Guess I was just waiting for Phil to lower his standards. He usually always goes for blonde and buff."

Phil frowned. "That's not true. I go for tall and broad and gorgeous, and you fit all of those." He sounded tense, almost angry. "The truth is _I_ had to wait for Dan to stop overthinking everything."

Dan turned pulling away as he did so. "What are you talking about? I don't overthink _everything_."

"Oh my! I think I see my friend…"

Dan hardly paid any attention as she left. He was staring at Phil, a dull thud-thud of panic in his ears. 

"Of course not," Phil said. All the tension seemed to drop out of him. "I was joking," he murmured. 

Without meeting Dan's eyes he walked off towards the glass doors that led to the terrace. 

Dan stared after him, but he felt rooted to the spot. He tried to make sense of what had just happened, but Phil's words kept ringing in his ears. _I had to wait for Dan_. He still felt the ghost of Phil's presence beside him, the soft press of him against his side. He missed it. He wanted it back. It was like the dancing. Why hadn't they been pressing their bodies up against each other all this time? Why hadn't they been pressing their lips together? Because Dan… hadn't been ready for it?

He moved without thinking, suddenly rushing across the room and after Phil. 

The air outside was shockingly cold and dry. His surprised gasp puffed out as fog in front of his face. Phil was huddled up a little ways to the side, clearly already cold.

"Phil. You'll freeze."

"Yeah." His voice sounded funny. "I just need a minute. Go on inside."

"Phil…"

Phil's head tipped back, his Adam's apple bopped, and Dan felt an overwhelming wash of sadness. 

"Phil, I…"

"Dan. Just. Don't. I don't want things to be awkward. We're just… drunk and being silly."

"Maybe we are. But maybe…" Dan sucked in air, staring intensely at the curve of Phil's back, his heart pounding like crazy as he tried to read Phil's mind. "Maybe my rant to that journalist wasn't just an accident."

Phil turned to look at him, and it punched all the air out of Dan's chest. He looked infinitely sad, but also somehow hopeful. Or was it all in Dan's imagination?

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's possible I said all those things about… what you are to me, because I wanted them to be true. I felt they were true."

Phil remained statue still.

"And I'm sorry if that makes things awkward. I'm not trying to put you on the spot, I would never--"

Phil took one single step forward but then stopped. Dan stared at him. He felt like laughing and crying at the same time. 

Phil said, "Well then… maybe I went along with pretending to be your husband because… I wanted to try what it felt like. To have you." His voice broke then. 

"Phil." 

Dan reached out his hand, and then Phil was taking it, and they were stepping close to each other, and Phil's head was tipping, and Dan's lips tingled in anticipation, and then… they were kissing. 

Phil's lips were soft and cool, and his skin smelled like home. Dan's heart responded with some complicated little dance. He wrapped his arms around Phil and squeezed until Phil squeaked and then laughed and then kissed him harder, their lips never leaving each other. 

A shiver went through Phil, and it made Dan pull back. He rubbed his hands over Phil's arms to warm him, and Phil smiled in a way Dan had never seen before. He felt like he was floating.

"You're freezing. Let's go back inside."

Phil shook his head and took Dan's hand. "Let's go home."

Dan nodded mutely.

"Look!" Phil exclaimed. He was peering up into the dark night sky. "Dan! It's snowing."

Dan laughed incredulously. "It's a Christmas miracle."

"Much like you being my actual husband," Phil said, surprisingly shyly. 

Dan squeezed his hand affectionately. "To be fair I did also call you my arch nemesis."

Phil laughed, eyebrows jumping. "Oh. I guess I can be that too." He swung their hands, which was a silly thing to do but it made Dan giggle. "You can be my Waluigi."

"I'm not Waluigi! I can be Wario."

"Alright fine, I'll be Waluigi."

It was cold outside, but Dan had to kiss Phil one more time before they went in and got their coats and went back to Dan's place and continued the rest of their lives - as husbands.


End file.
